Happy Valeentineee....

[KiwiTeTua]

A young man wanted to purchase his new girlfriend, "Sweetie" a gift, for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a difficult decision.

Accompanied by his sister, he went to a store to find the gift. After a while, he decided it would be a pair of gloves. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time.

The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties.

The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:
"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you have the habit of not wearing anything when we go out in the evenings. Without my sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she preferred the short ones that were easier to remove.

They have lovely shade of colors..... The lady I bought them from, showed me the pairs she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try on yours, for me to look at and they will look lovely on you.

I wish I would be there to put them on you for the first time..... No doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them next Friday night when we go out.

Whenever you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Love, Cuddle Bear."

PS:"The sales lady said that the latest style was to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing".

**********



**********

Jane and Arlene were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it started to rain.

Jane pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued to smoke.

Arlene: "What in the hell is that?"
Jane: "A condom. This way my cigarette won't get wet."

Arlene: "Where did you get it?"
Jane: "You can get them at any pharmacy".

The next day, Arlene hobbled herself into a local pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she wanted a box of condoms.
Sonny, the pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looked at her strangely (she is, over 80 years old), and politely asked about the types, the textures, and the brand of condoms she preferred.

"It doesn't matter Sonny! As long as it fits on a Camel".

[Nguyen Huu Thien]

Dear Hà Bá Vùng Vịnh,
Contrary to your naughty Valentine’s Day stories, mines are so... innocent, so sweet:

* Panties:

Question: What’s the difference between Queen Cleopatra’s and Queen Joséphine’s smell?

Answer:

- Queen Cleopatra:

(According to historians, knowing that Marc Antony loves the smell of carnation so much, few hours prior to making love with the roman general, Queen Cleopatra always put some of those flowers under her panties. That’s why he died for her!)

- Queen Joséphine:

(Everybody knew the story)


* Condoms:

A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." The boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...."

(Thiên Lôi Miệt Dưới)